HOW TO PREPARE FOR A PUPPY

• Pour cold apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk around barefoot in the dark.
• Wear a sock to work that has had the toes shredded by a blender.
• Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the rain and dark saying, "Be a good puppy and go potty-hurry up now -- come on, let's go."
• Cover all of your best suits with dog hair. Dark suits must have white hair and light suits must have dark. Also, some hair must be in your first cup of morning coffee.
• Play catch with a wet tennis ball.
• Run out in the snow in your bare feet to close the gate.
• Tip over a basket of clean laundry, scatter clothing all over the floor, taking care to shred at least one of each pair of socks.(See above.)
• When the doorbell rings drop your dirty underwear on the living room floor, because that is where the pup will drag it anyway -- after all, company is coming.
• Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV show and run to the door shouting, "No, NO! Do that OUTSIDE!" Miss the end of the program.
• Gouge the leg of the dining room table several times with a Screwdriver.
• Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning, and do not try to clean it up until you return from work that evening.
• Take a warm, cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it around yourself. This is the feeling you get when your puppy falls asleep on your lap.